guys are not supposed to queef...right?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
