You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize