I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
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