Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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