I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
