I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
that's an acceptable place to lick
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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