I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
