i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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