Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize