where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
