someone get that fucking seahorse.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize