Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize