She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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