I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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