thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
