i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
