you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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