think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
