Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
