Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
