The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
