I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
