We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize