i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize