so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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