Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
