the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
