i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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