You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
