Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
