I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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