Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
