why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
