Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize