You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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