dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have tasted many bathrooms
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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