i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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