we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
