i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We have started to decorate penises.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize