That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
