I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
