Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
