How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
this will be a night to untag.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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