Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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