I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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