You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
