hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
