That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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