Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
