Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
