Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
