This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize