I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bring me that man meat
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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