her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
