I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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