Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
