the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
