Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
