just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
