Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize