woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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