He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
