never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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