On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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