My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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