Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize