I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
