Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
