i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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