I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
