She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
