Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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