I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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