weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
