Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize