i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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