you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
