haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
