What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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