i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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