Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
