Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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