And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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