I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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