You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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