a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Your cock deserves a montage
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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