it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
