Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
