Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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