fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
