FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize