Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize