Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
