you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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