sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
