Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
