I think i peed on brittanys purse
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
