Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
