She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
