yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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