Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
