You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
