if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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