If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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