Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
