Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize