I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Shame - the story of my life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
