She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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