just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
